The tasmanian narcissist has moved on to another woman. He was with her even before I filed for divorce. He proposed to her within days of the divorce being final. He is a typical narcissist. Can't be alone, can't take care of self, can't truly set down roots. I do not seek out information on him, I do not look at his facebook page, I do not have any contact with him. However, at times information gets passed to me quicker than I can say "NO! Don't tell me". Anyway, he's already re-married. This does give me some relief, but I still feel the pain of this quick re-marriage. I know whole heartedly that he doesn't love her anymore than he loved me - which means he has no love for her, either. He needed a place to live and the easiest way to get that is to get married to the woman, any woman, who had her own place. The tasmanian narcissist not only made a mess of my life and my kids' lives, but he made a complete mess of his own life. He went from a middle-class suburb of tree lined streets and friendly neighbors to living in his car because he wanted people to feel sorry for him. He went from having two very good and God fearing kids to having no relationship at all with his kids. They have him blocked from all access to them. He went from a marriage where he was expected to do nothing other than be my companion to living a life of couch jumping chaos. In the midst of our marriage I was the breadwinner, he didn't even have to work. I financed all of his sports and hobbies. I financed his 4 vacations per year without his family. Even when he did work, he spent his paychecks on himself and his activities. He didn't cook, didn't clean, didn't do chores around the house, he didn't do anything other than serve himself at the expense of everyone else. We had no expectations on him at all other than to be a companion to me, a father to his kids and be accountable to God. He couldn't do that. He would rather throw it all away, become homeless with no job and no dignity just so he could have the sympathy of others. He wanted to be able to be on facebook all day - working his virtual farm at farmville - and didn't want to be bothered by me when I asked him to not humiliate me on facebook everyday by smearing me publicly and to actually pick up a broom once in awhile. That was too much to ask. So, in order to have all of his facebook flings - and there were many - and to ensure a fresh supply of sympathy he made himself homeless. THAT is a textbook sociopath.
Yes, he did that. Went and made himself homeless to hook the sympathy of anyone naive. I know it sounds untrue, but trust me it is true.
He has now hooked a new victim for a place to live. How romantic!?!? Although I shouldn't gloat over others' misfortune, I do look forward to this new wife finally seeing the sociopathy. It will happen. It's inevitable.
He truly is damaging to EVERYONE around him - including himself and there is nothing anyone can do to stop him or help him.
I look back on it now and know that I enabled his narcissistic behavior by expecting nothing of him. I allowed him to bull-doze me and be disrespectful of me every single day of our relationship. It is me that is working on me so this never occurs again. I am learning to set healthy boundaries and to say NO to anything I'm not comfortable with or something I don't want to do. I can say pretty confidently that the narcissist is not ever going to find someone as naive as I was, who will allow the abuse to go on and on unchecked because my self-esteem and self-worth was non-existant. My therapist told me that my marriage should have ended years ago. It only lasted as long as it did (24 years) because I kept it going. I allowed him to walk all over me. I surely hope that anyone else that comes into his life is not that easily manipulated and abused. The good news is I'm learning. I'm working on me.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Introducing Me
I begin this blog somewhat reluctantly. I have been divorced about six months now from a tasmanian narcissist and I am barely getting to a place where I can make it through a day without a fit of crying. I have described my ex Narcissist husband on a few ocassions as the Tasmanian Devil. He whirled into my life, created havoc, destroyed everyone and everything within a 10 mile range and whirled out leaving behind complete destruction and chaos. He is the Tasmanian Narcissist. For anyone reading this that has no experience with a narcissist, - I can't even find enough words to tell you the damage done by these individuals. At the very least it is soul rape, and it's every other destructive word in the English language - short of death. They use and discard you like an old pair of shoes. When a narcissist determines he or she is done with you - they put you down at the curb like trash on garbage day and walk away without a single thought. They think about, obsess about and care about YOU in the same way we think, obsess and care about the trash we put out for collection. In other words we DON'T and neither does a narcissist.
It's hard to imagine that this kind of evil walks the Earth, but it does. Malignant narcissism is an all pervasive evil and there is no cure for it. There is no cure because narcissists do not think anything is wrong with them. Therefore, there is nothing to cure or fix. No matter what the problem - it will always be YOU with the problem and never them. My ex N husband used to say "we'd get along fine if it weren't for you." Of course, it was always me. He blamed me for everything. He once blamed me for a car accident that he was in and I wasn't even in the car. I was at work! He blamed my kids when they were small for his lack of concern for them. He blamed a five year old boy (my son) for the fact that he didn't have a real relationship with him. Yes, he did that! Anyway, you get the picture. They are flaw-less, they are perfect, they are without sin. If you have a problem with a narcissist, they will be sure to tell you that it is YOU.
Now, we're told that we can't diagnose someone without a Ph.D in psychiatry or something similar. But, for those that have lived with an abusive spouse/parent/sibling/child/etc. you don't need a degree to know when someone has abused us, you don't need a degree when someone destroys your soul because you feel it. I'm not so concerned with the diagnosis, anyway. I know what I've lived with and it's NPD [narcissistic personality disorder] even if I'm not qualified to diagnose. My ex N husband is a raging N and he destroyed me and my now adult children. He has already moved on to another family - already re-married and playing the doting step-father. He did this within weeks of trashing his own family. He has used facebook in the evilest of ways and posted daily rants about me and his own kids. He called us every name in the book and smeared us to high heaven. I would imagine his new wife witnessed all of this and married him anyway. I don't feel sorry for her. If she married a man after knowing him a short time, witnessed his smear campaign and married him without ever meeting his kids....well then she won't get much sympathy from me when it goes bad....AND it will go bad.
So I begin this blog and hope others will read and post their experiences.
There is recovery after a Tasmanian Narcissist but I have not yet found it.
I only wish he was made with ink and color like the cartoon version. I'd get out my big eraser and he'd be gone from our lives.
Until then - signed,
the ex wife of the Tasmanian Narcissist
It's hard to imagine that this kind of evil walks the Earth, but it does. Malignant narcissism is an all pervasive evil and there is no cure for it. There is no cure because narcissists do not think anything is wrong with them. Therefore, there is nothing to cure or fix. No matter what the problem - it will always be YOU with the problem and never them. My ex N husband used to say "we'd get along fine if it weren't for you." Of course, it was always me. He blamed me for everything. He once blamed me for a car accident that he was in and I wasn't even in the car. I was at work! He blamed my kids when they were small for his lack of concern for them. He blamed a five year old boy (my son) for the fact that he didn't have a real relationship with him. Yes, he did that! Anyway, you get the picture. They are flaw-less, they are perfect, they are without sin. If you have a problem with a narcissist, they will be sure to tell you that it is YOU.
Now, we're told that we can't diagnose someone without a Ph.D in psychiatry or something similar. But, for those that have lived with an abusive spouse/parent/sibling/child/etc. you don't need a degree to know when someone has abused us, you don't need a degree when someone destroys your soul because you feel it. I'm not so concerned with the diagnosis, anyway. I know what I've lived with and it's NPD [narcissistic personality disorder] even if I'm not qualified to diagnose. My ex N husband is a raging N and he destroyed me and my now adult children. He has already moved on to another family - already re-married and playing the doting step-father. He did this within weeks of trashing his own family. He has used facebook in the evilest of ways and posted daily rants about me and his own kids. He called us every name in the book and smeared us to high heaven. I would imagine his new wife witnessed all of this and married him anyway. I don't feel sorry for her. If she married a man after knowing him a short time, witnessed his smear campaign and married him without ever meeting his kids....well then she won't get much sympathy from me when it goes bad....AND it will go bad.
So I begin this blog and hope others will read and post their experiences.
There is recovery after a Tasmanian Narcissist but I have not yet found it.
I only wish he was made with ink and color like the cartoon version. I'd get out my big eraser and he'd be gone from our lives.
Until then - signed,
the ex wife of the Tasmanian Narcissist
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