I've been away awhile traveling for my job and it's been helpful. I am feeling much, much better since the last post. I am still struggling at times but my last post must have been on a really bad day. I am grateful to God for getting me through, loving me even when I'm unlovable, forgiving me continuously even when I make my pain and suffering an idol in my life and can focus on nothing but that. God is good.
I do feel very sad for my son. He's 19 and has not been himself in a very long time. He has so much animosity built up in him toward his dad and I can't get him to go speak to someone. He just says that he doesn't want to talk about his father and never wants to see him again. My son is fighting depression. I recognize the symptoms and the signs because I too suffer from it. I have to push him to do the things he must do - such as go to school and work. He's such a good kid in that he doesn't get in trouble, doesn't hang out with troublemaking friends, doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. He basically likes to stay home and be a gamer. In moderation its fine, but not to the extent he's been doing this lately. It just isn't healthy and so I have to push him. I hate having to do it.
My narcissistic ex husband has used facebook in an evil way. Since both my son and daughter have him blocked, he is seeking to punish them for making him look bad. I know a number of people have asked him why he doesn't even have his own kids as facebook friends since he seems to live and die by facebook (for all the attention!!). He's enraged that they have him blocked. He is seeking to punish them by adding all of their friends (people he barely knows or doesn't know at all) and then he proceeds to leave passive-agressive comments to my kids' friends to get at his own kids. He has said the most awful things about my kids to their friends. It's a cry for attention and it's punishment. I feel bad for them because they can block him all they want, but how does one tell everyone on facebook not to add him or block him? People wouldn't understand. It's frustrating and hurtful to them and it's an ongoing thing. I've been praying for both of my kids - but especially my son.
I've learned that recovering from the total destruction that is a narcissist's life is a very long road. We aren't going to be magically better within days, weeks or months. Sometimes recovery and healing takes years. It's especially bothersome for people (who have no idea what a narcissist is and don't know the damage they do) say to you "just get over it" or "why are you still focused on him" or "move on already!" My therapist says these same people unknowingly are further victimizing us survivors because they are invalidating what we've been through and our pain. Invalidation is the mantra of a narcissist - so most of us come out of an N relationship where the N constantly invalidated us, our feelings, our needs. So, when others invalidate us it's heartbreaking and frustrating. But, how do you explain that? You can't. So, to anyone out there suffering the same thing.....don't let anyone set a "time line" for your healing for you. You don't have to heal at their pace. As long as you are striving for improvement, for healing then that's all that matters.
I hope others get some comfort from this page or validation for what you've lived with or through. It isn't our job to justify or defend ourselves but we do owe it to ourselves to heal and to never take abuse lightly or tolerate it any longer.
Peace
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